"Not to people like us" : hidden abuse in upscale marriages / Susan Weitzman.

Format:

Book

Author/Creator:

Weitzman, Susan.

Language:

English

Subjects (All):

Abused wives--United States.

Abused wives.

Middle class women--United States.

Middle class women.

Upper class women--United States.

Upper class women.

United States.

Physical Description:

viii, 289 pages : illustrations ; 24 cm

Place of Publication:

New York, N.Y. : Basic Books, [2000]

Summary:

How is it possible for a highly educated woman with a career and resources of her own to stay in a marriage with an abusive husband? How can a man be considered a pillar of his community, run a successful business and regularly give his wife a black eye? The startling nature of these questions proves how convinced we are by the prevailing assumption that domestic violence is restricted to the lower classes. "Not to People Like Us" counters this assumption by exploring a heretofore overlooked population of battered wives -- the highly-educated and upper-income women who rarely report abuse and remain trapped by their own silence.

With keen insight and profound sensitivity Susan Weitzman, psychotherapist and educator, draws on her in-depth study of battered women to unveil the unique path taken by the upscale wife -- the early warning signs, the internal dilemmas and decisions, and the dangerous desire to cover-up abuse and maintain appearances. She shows how abusive relationships between upper-echelon men and women follow a different course from those in other socioeconomic groups. And these distinctions -- for example, the absence of the "honeymoon period" when the abuser seduces his wife into forgiving him -- have profound implications for understanding the true nature of this behavior. Delving into the stories of these women -- wives and girlfriends of CEOs and attorneys, of physicians and professors, the women often professionals themselves -- Weitzman builds a harrowing psychological profile of both the abused and the abuser.

"Not to People Like Us" is the first book to condemn the legal and social service system for failing to recognize domestic violence among upper-income families. From a chart that explains patterns of abuse to specific intervention strategies, Weitzman offers crucial information to help women find their way out of abusive relationships and toward safety and independence.

Contents:

Part 1 Upscale Violence

1 Piercing the Veil of Silence 3

2 "This Doesn't Happen to People Like Us ..." 17

3 Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Marriages? 37

Part 2 The Wife's Path in and Her Way Out

4 Getting In: "He Was So Sexy, So Powerful

He Swept Me Off My Feet ..." 55

5 Staying the Course: "I Made My Bed ..." 79

6 Going Public and Getting Going: "I'm Outta Here ..." 109

Part 3 People Along the Path: Those Who Help or Hurt

7 The Men: Arrogance and Insecurity, Grandiosity and Self-Doubt 131

8 What About the Children? 159

9 Who Can Help? Therapeutic Interventions 175

10 The Double-Edged Sword: How Family, Friends, and Professionals Can Make Matters Worse 203

Part 4 Aftermath

11 Life Goes On 221.

Notes:

Includes bibliographical references (pages 271-280) and index.

OCLC:

44045686