Dealing with people you can't stand : how to bring out the best in people at their worst / Rick Brinkman, Rick Kirschner.

Format:

Book

Author/Creator:

Brinkman, Rick.

Contributor:

Kirschner, Rick.

Language:

English

Subjects (All):

Interpersonal relations.

Interpersonal communication.

Psychology, Industrial.

Physical Description:

xvii, 199 pages : illustrations ; 24 cm

Place of Publication:

New York : McGraw-Hill, [1994]

Summary:

It may be a boss who behaves like a bully and a petty tyrant, and has the power to get away with it ... It may be a co-worker who promises results, but who never, ever delivers when the chips are down ... It may be the whiner whose constant complaining and maddening negativism are driving you crazy ... At best, when people act like this, they can make life exceedingly stressful and unpleasant. At worst, they can keep you from achieving important goals. The good news is that you don't have to let them do either! Whether you know it or not, it's fully within your power to bring out the best behavior in people who are at their worst. Sound impossible? It's not. Just ask the 250,000 people who have already benefited from Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner's proven, innovative seminars on dealing with difficult people with tact and skill. They have already learned, as you will when you study this one-of-a-kind guide, how to identify 10 recognizable difficult behaviors, and deal successfully with each of them! You'll discover how difficult people think, what they fear, and why they act as they do; why difficulty, more often than not, is in the eye of the beholder, and how to turn this little-known truism to your own advantage; how to use advanced, sophisticated "listening techniques" to unlock the doors to people's minds, hearts, and deepest needs; and how to cultivate nine "take-charge" skills that turn conflict into cooperation by reducing the differences between people. What's more, you'll be given specific strategies for successfully handling the 10 Most Unwanted difficult behaviors that you, or anyone else, will ever encounter on the job ... including: . The Tank: Pushy andruthless; expect no mercy. The Sniper: This covert operator identifies your weaknesses and snipes at you behind your back or even to your face. The Know-It-All: These people know 98% of absolutely everything. Just ask them! The Grenade: When the pin is pulled and they blow their top, they're unable to stop and the shrapnel hits everyone in sight. The Maybe person: This fence sitter puts off crucial decisions until it's too late. The Nothing person: You never know where they stand, what they think, what they are feeling because they just say, "...........".. And many more!

Contents:

Part 1. Getting to Know the People You Can't Stand

1. The 10 Most Unwanted List 3

The Tank 4

The Sniper 5

The Grenade 5

The Know-It-All 6

The Think-They-Know-It-All 7

The Yes Person 7

The Maybe Person 8

The Nothing Person 9

The No Person 9

The Whiner 10

2. The Lens of Understanding 13

What Determines Focus and Assertiveness 16

Get the Task Done 16

Get the Task Right 17

Sometimes It's a Matter of Time 17

Get Along with People 17

Get Appreciation from People 17

Sometimes You Get What You Give 18

It's a Question of Balance 19

As Intent Changes, So Does Behavior 19

You Can Hear Where People Are Coming From 22

Shared Priorities, No Problem 23

What Happens When the Intent Isn't Fulfilled? 24

3. The Road to Hell Is Paved with Good Intentions 27

Threatened Intent to Get It Done 28

Threatened Intent to Get It Right 29

Threatened Intent to Get Along with Others 30

Threatened Intent to Get Appreciated by People 32

To Summarize 33

Part 2. Surviving Through Skillful Communication: Prevent Conflicts and Resolve Problems Before They Get Out of Hand

4. From Conflict to Cooperation 37

Two Essential Skills: Blending and Redirecting 38

Blend Nonverbally with Body and Facial Expressions 39

Blend Vocally with Volume and Speed 41

5. Listen to Understand 43

People Want to Be Heard and Understood 44

6. Reach a Deeper Understanding 49

Identify Positive Intent 50

Identify Highly Valued Criteria 52

7. Speak to Be Understood 55

Monitor Your Tone of Voice 56

State Your Positive Intent 56

Tactfully Interrupt Interruptions 58

Tell Your Truth 59

Stay Flexible 61

8. Get What You Project and Expect 63

Pygmalion Power 64

Assume the Best, Give the Benefit of the Doubt 65

Appreciate Criticism 66

Part 3. Bringing Out the Best in People at Their Worst: Specific Goals and Action Steps for Dealing with the 10 Most Unwanted

9. The Tank 71

You'd Better Adjust Your Attitude 72

Your Goal: Command Respect 74

Action Plan 74

What If the Tank's Accusations Are True, and You Are in the Wrong? 78

Great Moments in Difficult People History 78

10. The Sniper 83

Unfriendly Fire 84

Friendly Fire 85

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 86

Your Goal: Bring the Sniper Out of Hiding 87

Action Plan 87

Special Situation: Friendly Fire 90

Special Situation: Third Party Sniping 90

Great Moments in Difficult People History 91

11. The Know-It-All 95

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 97

Your Goal 98

Action Plan 98

Great Moments in Difficult People History 101

12. The Think-They-Know-It-All 105

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 107

Your Goal: Give Their Bad Ideas the Hook 108

Action Plan 108

Great Moments in Difficult People History 111

13. The Grenade 115

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 117

Your Goal: Take Control of the Situation 118

Action Plan 118

Great Moments in Difficult People History 121

14. The Yes Person 125

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 128

Your Goal: Get Commitments You Can Count On 128

Great Moments in Difficult People History 134

15. The Maybe Person 139

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 141

Your Goal: Help Them Learn to Think Decisively 141

Action Plan 142

Great Moments in Difficult People History 145

16. The Nothing Person 149

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 151

Your Goal: Persuade the Nothing Person to Talk 152

Action Plan 152

Great Moments in Difficult People History 157

17. The No Person 161

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 163

Your Goal: Transition to Problem Solving 163

Action Plan 164

Great Moments in Difficult People History 167

18. The Whiner 171

You Better Adjust Your Attitude 173

Your Goal: Form a Problem-Solving Alliance 174

Action Plan 174

Great Moments in Difficult People History 177

19. What If People Can't Stand You? 179

Correspondence with Difficult People 179

1. What If You Are the Tank? 180

2. What If You Are the Sniper? 180

3. What If You Are the Know-It-All 181

4. What If You Are the Think-They-Know-It-All? 182

5. What If You Are the Grenade? 182

6. What If You Are the Yes Person? 183

7. What If You Are the Maybe Person? 184

8. What If You Are the Nothing Person? 185

9. What If You Are the No Person? 186

10. What If You Are the Whiner? 187

Appendix: How to Change Your Attitude 193.

ISBN:

0070078394

0070078386

OCLC:

30594028